Brian Cuban

Growing up, Brian Cuban was the "typical middle child."

To Brian, it appeared his two brothers made their way through adolescence with confidence and purpose. But Brian struggled, describing himself as shy, withdrawn and prone to internalizing everything. That struggle would eventually lead him to develop an eating disorder and substance abuse issues that would wreak havoc on his life.

Now almost 14 years in recovery, Brian is sharing his struggles, and his victories, as an author and public speaker, to help others dealing with substance abuse issues.

"I talk about this because I know I have a platform that can save one life," he said. "I may not even know who that person is, but if I can reach somebody with my message, then that person reaches somebody else and that person reaches somebody else and that is known as the recovery movement. That is why so many people put their stories out there, to impact one person who then hopefully impacts another person and so on."

In honor of recovery month, Brian, the brother of Indiana University graduate, Dallas Mavericks owner and entrepreneur Mark Cuban, served as the keynote speaker at the virtual Indiana Employer Opioid Summit and agreed to speak to IU about his story.

Finding his way

Brian, whom Mark Cuban described as smart, honest, caring and emotional, grew up in Pittsburgh, Penn., alongside his mother, father and his two brothers.

Naturally shy and insecure, Brian became even more so after struggling with weight issues and being “fat shamed” by his mother.

Although Brian realizes the correlation between his mother's attitude about food and his eventual struggles with body dysmorphia, eating disorders and substance abuse, he said he does not blame his family for his choices and knows that his mother had her own battles to work through.

"I understand it now, but being a tween and not understanding these things, to hear these words from my mom, I grew very depressed and began to eat more and more, and I became a bigger Brian. And then the bullying started," he recalled. "I developed a very self-deprecating sense of humor and became the sad clown as a self-defense mechanism so these kids wouldn't know how badly these taunts and words hurt me."

An attack by neighborhood kids that included taunts about Brian's weight convinced Brian that all of the bad names from the kids were true.

"It was right around then that I remember starting to see nothing but this fat pig in my reflection in the mirror," Brian said.

Feeling left out and ridiculed throughout school, Brian was excited when it was eventually time to attend college. He left Pittsburgh in the hopes of starting a new life as an undergrad at Penn State. But Brian’s insecurities traveled with him, and he eventually developed bulimia and anorexia and started exercising excessively. He also began to use alcohol to quell his depression.

Brian spent his undergraduate years binging, purging and drinking. When he heard fellow students talking about becoming a lawyer, the criminal justice major decided to follow suit, not because he necessarily wanted to become a lawyer, but because he wanted another three years of drinking, binging and purging.

Brian eventually enrolled in the University of Pittsburgh School of Law, where he continued his destructive behavior and getting by "day by day." He eventually graduated and moved in with his brothers in Dallas, where he began using cocaine.

"The summer of 1987, in a bathroom of a bar in Dallas, Texas, I discovered the one thing that allowed me, for the first time in my life, to look in the mirror and love who I saw, for the first time in my life that I could remember." Brian said. "I discovered cocaine."

As Brian’s substance use and eating disorders continued to spiral out of control, he eventually passed the Texas bar exam — after failing it twice — and became an attorney. Although he said he had some good years as an attorney, he admits he walked an ethical line and eventually lost all of his clients.

Everything caught up with Brian in the summer of 2005 when he decided he was going to end his life. A friend alerted his brothers who took a "kicking and screaming" Brian to a psychiatric facility.

"It was a dark day," Mark said. "He let Jeff and I know he was in trouble. We did what any family would do. We got behind him and did everything we could do to support him. I think it pushed us to get closer."

Not ready to get sober, Brian said the things he needed to say to keep from being hospitalized. His brothers took him home, took away his car keys and hoped he would clean up.

"My family was trying to figure it out," Brian said. "This is their first in-your-face knowledge that I'm struggling. But my solution was not to step into recovery, but to distance and isolate myself from everyone and before you knew it, I was back out there."

Brian's first step into sobriety came on Easter weekend 2007. The year prior, he met his now-wife, Amanda, who did not abuse substances and who did not know the extent of Brian’s eating disorders, substance abuse and mental illness. After leaving for a weekend, Amanda came home to find Brian surrounded by alcohol and cocaine. She moved out, and Brian decided to allow himself to get the help he needed.

"I walked into my psychiatrist's office, who I'd been lying to for two years, and I started opening up to him about all of the pain and just letting it out, crying and sobbing, and just shaking out the years of just pain and tears," he said.

Walk through recovery

Brian became involved in a 12-step program and eventually began to find self-love.

"I didn't know a lot of things, but here's what I did know. If sitting in that chair this one time would allow me to wake up the next morning, walk to the mirror in my birthday suit, look in that mirror and love Brian without the aids of any illicit substance, no cocaine, no alcohol or anything for the first time in my life, I would sit in that chair," he said. "And I continue to sit in that chair."

Brian is clear that there are many paths to recovery. For him, abstinence and 12-step meetings are what works. He also acknowledges he is fortunate to have the resources available to receive the help he needed.

"I have gone through recovery in privilege," Brian said. "Addiction may not discriminate, but recovery does because so many people in this world in underserved, underprivileged communities do not have the resources I had then and I have now," he said. "I have a brother willing to write a check, pick up the phone to put me in a residential treatment that I refused to do. I understand not everyone has that privilege."

Now sober for almost 14 years, Brian shares his story to help those struggling with substance abuse and eating disorders. He has written two books about his experience, and he travels throughout the world talking about his journey in hopes of helping others.

Brian's family is also proud of not only his recovery, but his willingness to help others.

"He fought so many battles growing up and in fighting for sobriety. I truly was surprised at how he opened himself up and shared his experiences to the betterment of others," Mark said. "He has become a thought leader who is always willing to stand up for and speak to what he believes in. I’m so proud of him."